King of the Road has taken the last exit

The long and winding road has come to a dead end. Think about it. We all have a dead end at our finish line. Ok, not everyone thinks of roads. How about dots?

If you gave me all the dots I would not have time to connect them. It takes a lifetime to connect the dots. That’s ok because that last dot - it’s a killer.

I’m writing this as I try to lighten-up a bit. Our family joke teller has passed on to his next gig today. I’ve already wept a few tears earlier today so now in the spirit of his joking I strive to write a remembrance on the lighter side of life’s road (at least I'll stay out of the ditch).

Back in Aug. 2011 in MO

I think of him as King of the Road. He has had over 6000 stitches and was thought to have died many times during his years. He has totaled more vehicles, cars, motorcycles, trucks than I have ever owned. Not all the mishaps were driving related. He worked construction and has visited a few bars during his life.

I first mentioned my uncle’s approach to his finish line in a post at the end of November. Since then it’s been a quick ride with him. Some dips and dangerous curves but also many scenic views of past memories. It was an absolute joy to share jokes with our family joke teller too. Even in this last phase of his trip, he could still joke and give a smile.

Less than 24 hours before his brakes failed, he told my cousin and me this joke.

Two blondes at a bar are asked by the bartender if they are sisters.
One quickly replies, “Oh no, we are not even Catholic.”

Two of our daughters were able to visit him on different days. Being separated by a whole generation, one daughter was curious to discover more about him and asked him about his life. I jumped into the conversation by mentioning the fact that he had two marriages. Then I learned my uncle was having a good day. He was surprisingly quick to pull my unsuspecting daughter into a joke.

King: “When I was first married, I picked wild mushrooms.”
Daughter with a puzzled look.
King: “My first wife died from a poison mushroom.”
Daughter with a concerned look: “Oh my”
King: “Do you know how my second wife died?”
Daughter: “No”
King: “A head concussion. (pause) She wouldn’t eat the mushrooms!”

All three of us had a great laugh. I believe he laughed hard enough to bounce the bed.

It was great seeing him with plenty of visitors. While in hospice, he celebrated his 89th birthday. This probably helped him going.

These past five or so weeks showed me the power of humor. Sharing a laugh creates new bonds and strengthens existing bonds. My uncle provided me a lesson without knowing it.

Hospice was a good decision. I think if you are about to leave earth on a one way no return ticket then you should turn off ground control (doctors trying to save you) and share the countdown with family.

If you want background on why I consider him King of the Road check out these older posts:

first one
second one

throw a few words my way

I never knew where this blog would go when I started it. The in-the-beginning story is up there on the "short background" page.  Honestly, I'm not actually sure where we are now with it.

The group effort of comments feeding back into postings works well.  Most of you know this very well since you are also bloggers.

It's a fun hobby. I've even learned a new word or two.

I heard a joke on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me last Saturday.  You might have heard about the recent White House fence jumpers in the news.  Also this year there was a toddler who climbed through the fence.  Now this is serious stuff and certainly potentially deadly in the terrorist world we live in today.  However, here at A Few Clowns Short, we try to lighten up.

So it turns out that getting onto the White House property just requires the right distraction. You throw a few pieces of meat over for the dogs.  Throw a few Colombian prostitutes over for the Secret Service agents.  Now, you are clear to go.

You don't need to jump over a fence to join in here.  Go ahead throw a few words over to distract me.

 

the joke's on me

My brother who has been known to spend months in the Ozarks woods sent me this joke. Share the laugh I say.

Bubba and Billy Bob finally put their money together, fixed up their old Eldorado and visited the big city of St. Louis. Just a hour into their touring the city Bubba spots a sign on a store which reads, "Suits $5.00 each! shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 each.

Bubba says to his pal, 

"Billy Bob, looky here! We could buy a whole gob of these, take 'em back to Yellville, sell 'em to our... friends, and make a fortune."

Billy Bob jaw drops and feels a headache coming on from the advance math memories he suffered through back in school.

"Just let me do the talkin' 'cause if they hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant, and won't wanna sell us the stuff."

"Now, I'll talk in a fast city style so's they don't know we is from the Ozark hills."

Billy Bob presses his hands hard on his temples and goes along with his best friend who might be his cousin but no one will talk about that.  They approach the store counter, Bubba says in his fast talk, 

"I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each, 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up our Eldorado and..." 

The owner of the shop interrupts, 

"Ya'll from the Ozarks, ain't ya?" 

"Well, yeah," 

says a surprised Bubba..

"How come you knowed that?" 

The store owner laughs,

 "Because this is a dry cleaners."

If you would like to see how messed up that Bee Gee song, check out my parody of it.

it’s a parody Renee

Years ago I parodied part of the Four Tops “Walk Away Renee”.

Just click away, Renee
You won't see me follow your blog home
The empty comments on my blog are not the same
Facebook is to blame

The noticeable absence of former frequent visitors lead me to create my version called “Click Away Renee”. Fellow bloggers dropping out is just part of blogging.

"Happy" is a great tune

Long ago, I told myself to blog like a man. If I can’t laugh about it maybe I can write a parody about it. I stop and wonder often. Maybe too often. Am I under the influence of Weird Al Yankovic?

Well Weird Al still rules. Occasionally I can come up with odd updates for an old song. But a parody doesn’t work too well if the audience is not familiar with the original song.

Tim Hawkins got laughs by changing The Eagle’s “Hotel California” to a "Walmart in California". Weird Al takes the parody to a higher level. It’s amazing how he can still turn out great parodies decade after decade. Remember “Eat It” from the 80’s. I think it’s better than Michael Jackson’s “Beat It”.

Here’s a new one from my inspiration, Weird Al.

Maybe I just like it because I'm tacky??

one over a fragment

The ratio of one over a fragment would equal a large value since the fragment would approach zero.

Well if you are looking for value in fragments, you need to check Mrs. 4444’s blog. Her collection of Friday Fragments are priceless (and free too).

This week we celebrated the 40 anniversary of the first cellphone call. Do you know most of the world calls them mobile phones? As an engineer I am still amazed how the industry was able to shrink the size of the phone. At first they were not as mobile as they are today. We had a bag phone. Did you?

Oh did you celebrate the 40th? I sent a text (first SMS text message was sent Dec. 1992 in the UK). Really who sends cards anymore?

my flip phone on our old bag phone  time for ebay?

Monday I pull a prank on the blog. Pulling that prank relieved that knot in my back. (a link to Monday’s prank post - you might want to read if you didn’t since I’ll probably do it again next year) 

April Fool’s Day and Easter just missed each other this year. I knew Easter moved around from year to year but wondered how often they match (complex formula for setting the date -  NOT involving white smoke). I went to the answerer of complex things - google search and found it has matched and will again. Last Easter on April Fool’s Day was 1956 and next time will be 2018. God pulling a prank on mankind would be - ?? I don’t know if there is a word for that. Righteous?

don't let Dino bite your butt

Last month I mentioned that I should work on my epitaph since it might have typos in it. This week while my wife (She doesn’t want to be identified up here. I should create a code letter for her. I already have an ‘X’, so she could be ‘Y’.) was perusing the Irish sports page (obituaries).  Y found a very funny obit. Here’s a line from it (full obit): 

“He held a real estate license and a hypnosis certificate, which probably would have worked in his favor had he practiced both at the same time.”

This past week I virtually visited two old sites. Sites that at one time I browsed over to every few days. One site is the Onion and I posted about that. The other is called I Used To Believe. I added a belief to that site once but today I don’t remember what username I had created for it. Here’s a funny belief from the site:

At dusk, when the sky would turn pretty swirling colors my mom would tell me, "Santa's making candy!" To this day whenever I see a pretty sky at night, I get nostalgic and think about all the ways I'm going to lie to my kids when they're old enough to understand, but young enough not to know better.

I hope the ratio of enjoyment over the time spent reading this post gave you a good value - thanks.

Lisleman’s Left-over Laughs (on a Sunday)

Do blogs make you laugh?

Not all the time I know. Looking at pedicures can be a downer for me.

I know a funny (soon to-be-famous rumor has it) blogger out on the left coast. Her blog moniker is Unknown Mami. Oh, you came here from her Sundays-In-My-City? Oh OK no problem skip down to the pictures.

If you don’t know of Unknown Mami (most people don’t know the unknown - right?) then you should check out her blog and her SIMC feature.

So back to those laughs. You do know they are healthy for you. Stress relief.  Here’s a few funny pictures we (wife, daughter, myself) have taken.  I have enjoyed sharing these on A Few Clowns Short:

Laughs and smiles are great for recycling and sharing, so I’m starting Lisleman’s Left-over Laughs and you are here for the opening (aren’t you special).

A laugh is better when it's shared.

Funny stuff happens all the time. The best comedy is timeless. Don’t even think you need a new post to join LLL. It doesn’t need to be long. Just one joke, funny story is all.

Now if you are like me, you know you posted some funny thing long ago but can’t remember when or what. Good luck searching, it’s the only way I know to find that stuff. However if you do have the link to it, please add it to LLL.

The linky thing will be at the bottom. Just link-up a post of a funny story, picture, youtube clip or joke. You'll be glad you did because sharing a laugh is good thing.

I ask that you just include a link back here (ok if it's an old one you could edit it and add a link). Also if you like you could browse over here and pick up the code for the LLL badge. The linky thing will be up for more than a week.  I don't know when the next LLL will be but I'll post about it a few days beforehand and hope to do them monthly.

Don’t want to edit the old post? No problem, just mention LLL in your next post and put a link to the old funny one in the new post.

Here’s a sample joke I found:

A three-year-old boy was wondering about his testicles while taking a bath. "Mom" he asked, "are these my brains?" "Not yet," she replied.

Youtube if filled with funny stuff and junk too.  Play that funky music white boy.

Ready?

I'm going to be my own first player of the LLL game. I'm making sure this linky thing links - so check out my funny post about a pregnant font.

what's so funny

Al-Qaeda magazine

Gulf Oil drilling disaster

The Titanic

Funny stuff ???

I'm only an expert on what's funny to me. Most of the time these things are funny to at least a few other people. Humor is certainly a cultural observance. Like most anything cultural it goes through constant change.  The comedy central channel has many shows that I don't find funny at all, but I guess someone does.

The worst is when you joke and your spouse or partner fails to see any humor in it. You get an evil eye stare back instead of that smiling laughing face. There's a difference between being funny and smart-ass.

After listening to my favorite radio show, "Wait Wait Don't Tell Me", I wondered if terrorist jokes will achieve a big laugh now that enough time has passed since 9/11.  

The game show panel was having a great time suggesting titles related to the news that Al-Qaeda launched an English language magazine for terrorists.  The best title for this type of magazine:

Ladies Never Leave the Home Journal

Do you agree that life is too serious to be taken seriously?

Joking about profound questions is tough to pull off. Replying to a comment suggesting I post the meaning of life (by IslandRoar), I wrote:

I think in searching for the meaning of life you can go so deep, you come out the other side. It's not the answer but the question and its pursuit that counts. For example what's the meaning of donuts? I might just go and research right now.

another circus         solar info link

   

Two blondes walk into a building ...

wouldn't you think ONE of them would have seen it coming??

><<>>

Dumb joke?  Jokes like other entertainment are enjoyed but some but not others.

One of the enjoyments of my past biz travel was sharing jokes.  There were some guys with great material and delivery.  One liners and short ones are a great way to get it going. 

This sales rep I met has a trophy wife.  I got to meet her once.  I guess it was second place.

<<>>

Remembering the joke is key.  How often do you only remember part of it?  You start a joke and then stumble through the rest.  Repeating the jokes helped my memory of them.  Email really changed the joke telling.  It became hard to have a new one that others didn't know from their inbox.

During part of my career I fortunate enough to travel with this retired sailor who is a great guy.  We share some common interest and he tells some great stories and jokes.  For now I'll just call him J.  Maybe I can get him to visit the blog and read this.  

You know someone is good when their friends are asking them to tell others at the table some favorite story.

One night J is out late at the local bar near the base.  You know the term drunken sailor didn't just sail in from the blue - right?.  So there is some serious drinking going down.

J knows how to pace it and is in complete control.  But across the room is whole different scene.

There is a guy who can't stand up any longer.  J is thinking this guy is not going to make it home.  He goes over to offer some assistance.  (I told you J is a great guy)  J finds out the guy lives nearby and decides to give him a ride home.

J helps the poor soul out to his car.  The guy falls down in the parking lot while J is trying to get him into the car.

They make it to the guys house and J props him up on the porch and rings the bell.

J sees the wife coming and prepares to catch hell.  Surprisingly, she is very very thankful and carries her husband into the house. 

J is just stepping off the porch, thinking that went well, when she calls him back.

"Thanks again - but did you bring his crutches?"

<<>>

That's one of my favorites of many that J told.