Meanwhile

Have I told you of my squirrel days?
Mixed nuts are the best.
Once upon a time, ...
Oh yeah some background. (just curious do you often start explaining something or telling a story and interrupt yourself to provide background?)

Not again!

This picture was emailed to me from comedywildlifephoto.

If you haven’t seen their photo collection, check them out. Funny stuff.

Like most I put ideas of human feelings inside that squirrel’s head. Did the squirrel just realize he did something stupid?

Then my mind wandered to thinking about being a squirrel. I know I would still find many things to complain about. The picture has me wondering if squirrels complain.

I grew up with a big weeping willow in our backyard. Maybe the climbing of that tree left me with a connection to those great climbers called squirrels.

Idyllic memories

enough climbing for today

next time I want the apple crisp

fungi is tree related

fungus group includes yeast - yeast is used to make beer

fox tails are better than squirrel tails

a wood giant

Natural color

man-made color - what do squirrels think of this

tree art

more tree art

old tree art

The best tree is one you can lean on.

lean-on-me tree

I get up in the morning slaving for bread sir

Maybe slaving for coffee?

Coffee is ready, so let's get started. Being a fan of youtube I'm eager to share what I'm enjoying from there.

Historians will look back (they better because history is in that direction) and view youtube as a social turning point for mankind. The youtube service gave us the viral video. Now I'm not sure which way mankind was turned by youtube but it influences us.

My youtube journeys have taken me from instructions for fixing our clothes dryer, to explanations of spacetime, to the power of Ouga Chaka Ouga Ouga Ouga Chaka.

The youtube library offers an unlimited variety of subjects/topics/junk. My viewing is mostly spent on music and comedy. Here's an old clip from a Carol Burnett special that included Robin Williams. One unfortunate thing that comes along with aging is attending more funerals. This clip (long for youtube clips 10 mins) has me laughing about funerals.





Just to change things up a bit how about some reggae?






Shocked then I tear up chose as I go
I don't want to end up like Bonny and Clyde -- 
Oh oooh, poor me Israelites

you know who's on first

Are comic memories better than other memories? I don't know but I know some events or mishaps become comic over time.

Long long ago, before Apple was a gadget company, before disco, just after bread came sliced, I found myself being suspended from school because I was in a food fight. Not funny to my parents or me at the time. Today I laugh about it.

Today I found this screen capture of a text exchange (not too many years ago that description would have made no sense what so ever) and it reminded me of the famous "Who's On First" skit performed by Abbott & Costello before I was born.

would they know LOL from LMAO?

Just in case you don't know who's on first, here's a clip of that old skit.  Enjoy!

This ain't no disco

It ain't no country club either,
This is Lisleman's blog
All I want to do is share fun ideas before I die

If you don't recognize those modified lines, it's from Sheryl Crow's hit song, "All I wanna do is have some fun".

... And a happy couple enters the bar
Dangerously, close to one another
The bartender looks up from his want ads ... 

Every time I listen to this song I wonder when does the closeness to another person become dangerously close?

All I wanna do is post some fun. I've learned that posting fun stuff is not very easy. Way back in 2010 (ancient history in blog years) I posted a few jokes. Here's a short one from that post - 

This sales rep I knew back in my career days had a trophy wife. I got to meet her once. I guess it was second place.

It is probably easier to share songs than jokes. Especially today with youtube and the other internet music sites.

how deep is your fragment

aaahhh - not very deep over here

Have you jumped into the Friday Fragment pool yet? Actually, after reading Mrs. 4444’s blog (the princess of Fragments), I suspect her pool might be filled with maple syrup. She has collected 30 gallons of maple sap - very sappy place she has in those northern woods.

go jump in a lake

I realize that it takes all kinds to make the world go round (as they say but really the world was spinning before man showed up). So I may write or post a picture of something in which a reader just doesn’t find any humor. I’m sure it has happened. I want to thank you upfront (thanking you from behind could get us both in trouble) for enduring another post of the rumblings of my mind.

baby's wet

The above picture is a great physical implementation of a pun.  Are you on board with it?

I don’t know if you noticed but I typically post my FF creation on Thursday. You see, Thursday is the new Friday. I’m sick of hearing "whatever is the new whatever" statements. Why do we repeat this idiotic idea of an old thing being different and new (and improved?) ?

taco talking - I wasn’t a fan of Breaking Bad but I know many were. I watched a few episodes on DVD when our daughter was binge watching a season once. It did offer a very interesting plot.

The other day, after an over-full meal at our local Mexican restaurant (even good food has a limit) I starred in the lead role of my own production of Breaking Wind. (seasoning the season)

Taglines - you do know there are people (not many) who make money creating them. Anyone know of a crematorium needing a new tagline? I spotted a great one the other day. 

Cremation - you’re last chance for a smoking hot body.

Remember when Saturday Night Live was fresh and just the best? I still laugh at some of the skits but so often comedy has “use by” freshness date. Not all comedy does but much of it relates to a period and its current events. An inspiring part of the older SNL was “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey”. I consider him a genius. He has a web site but right on the front page he clearly states that no deep thoughts may posted on websites without permission. I respect that. I figure a link to his site would be good and welcomed. The following link takes you to his random deep thought generator. They make me laugh almost every time. Oh please return here after your laugh and share a comment. 

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

How deep is your love, how deep is your love 
I really need to learn 
'Cause were living in a world of fools 
Breaking us down 
When they all should let us be 
We belong to you and me 

 

Oscar thoughts

I'll be clear from the start, this post has nothing to do with fashion (it seems dresses are a big part of the event, oh you're wearing JC Penny?).  We all get to have opinion about everything and Hollywood often offers more show and less substance.  However, I will not even attempt to pretend any knowledge of fashion.

Oscar probably goes horizontal at those parties

Did you watch the Oscars?

I heard it hit high in the ratings.  She-who-knows and I watched the whole show.  We both like Ellen.  Just like on her TV show, she was creative in producing laughs.  All award shows should be filled with good laughs.

It's a night of celebrating the movies and not a horse race (do only the winners say that in interviews?). I already posted my favorite for best picture (even though I only watched 3 of the nominees) in a January post.

Leonardo DiCaprio was shut out again.  Often nominated but never a winner at the Oscars.  He did generate a few hashtags, #poorleo and #giveleoanoscar


I found the above Leo gif and the following Amy Adams gif over at "the not! live blog of the 86th Academy Awards".

Even if Amy Adams wasn't a winner she can do a quick dance to keep the fun going.  Like Leo, she has been often nominated but never won at the Oscars.

twitter breaking selfie

The real winner of the night was Ellen. Her selfie that she asked viewers to tweet actually brought down twitter. She ordered in pizza for the Hollywood elite. She had the pizza guy on her TV show today. What I thought might happen apparently did. She said on her show that Harrison Ford sauced his shirt. So now Harrison and I have that in common. Getting laughs, bringing down twitter and messing Harrison Ford's shirt all in one night - she's the winner.

gone friday fragment fishing

Unknown Mami, summer hostess of Friday Fragments (as a title that would be SHoFF) lives near the sea but I don’t know if she has fished there.  You can catch fragments there during the summer.




I miss the days of stupid phones and smart people. This past week we passed an idiot driver in a corvette staring at his smartphone while cruising down the expressway.

The best way to remove lipstick is by kissing right? Not that I’m a big kisser but I’ve been reading the bio on Jim Croce and their dating period was just covered. It brought back memories of making out.

comic comments --  I try to be funny. It’s tough being funny with just text on a screen without the tone of your voice. Months ago Bearman Cartoons left this comment on a post:

Ok you had me going for a minute.

I replied: That's great, hope you had somewhere to go. thanks

One of the enjoyments of my past biz travel was sharing jokes. There were some guys with great material and delivery. One liners and short ones are a great way to get it going.

I heard that this sales rep I worked with had a trophy wife. I got to meet her once. I guess he had won second or third place.

Lisleman’s limited research shows “opt out” (don’t think that term was used much 20 years ago) is becoming more and more important. Consider this informative useful article: AT&T Considers Selling Your Browsing History, Location, And More To Advertisers. Here’s How To Opt Out (too long of a title but a good article to read)

Did you read my post about discovering an idea creation trend I seem to have? (every once in a taco I get inspired) One my current July ideas is starting a new group call OGWB (old guys with blockage).

Memory recall is never easy for most us. I’m thinking if I need an appointment around the middle of the day I should make it for 1:23. What’s easier than 1 2 3?

Please take a moment to locate this planet’s emergency exits.

flagrant fragment

If I were to develop a line of fragrances (I’m clueless where to start but the odors from the shed out back are very odd.) I would call it “Confusion”. “Confusion” because a good looking woman needs to throw off the hounds.

flagrant - fragrant - one letter can make a big difference. One letter and you are going from a sweet pleasant smell to shameless scandal. This reminds of the sandal smell scandal but I’ll save that for another time.

Oh, it’s Friday in about half the world now so I have started my Friday Fragments (FF). Check Mrs. 4444’s blog for a full Friday filling of fragments. Oh, since this is the internet she does care what fragrance you exude.

Over the years, “A Few Clowns Short” has entertained 10’s of readers. If you’re one of them then please share the good times and do the FB like, tweet, or G+ plus. Better yet write your name on a twenty dollar bill and send it to me. All twenties (or greater) will be photographed and posted here.

~-~Tweeting tweeting little text~-~

BTW - did you happen to see me at Second City in Chicago last Saturday? I was allowed to join my wife and a few in-laws (who knows if they will allow that again). I actually got called out of the audience for one skit (yes I was waving both my arms). Didn’t actually make it on the stage but the funny ladies (on stage) asked me a few questions and joked around with my answers.

I have not been to a Second City performance in many years. They now do an auction type thing for the improv routine topic. The method they start it with is very creative. They hand a person $1 and ask if they would like to spend $1 to pick their skit topic. People tend to suggest something and give $1 back. Then they pick another person and give them $2 with the same offer. Next it’s anyone want to out bid the $2.

This apparently rich guy stands up and gives them a $50 to have them use his son’s 25th birthday. Before it was over the guy spent $151 to have his son’s birthday used. I wish I had thought of approaching him later with my $15 birthday blog post idea.

I just found this funny clip on the Second City web site (warning sexual comedy content)

~-~how I wonder what comes next~-~

The best "closet" I have ever had the pleasure of coming out of was one in San Francisco where my BIL (he was at the comedy show with us) lived once. Inside the closet was a shower. You had to close the door tight and hope the water didn’t spray though the door crack.

~-~up in clouds you fly~-~

We still have a landline (I’ve mentioned this before because the landline owners will be an elite group someday) and it mostly receives telemarketer calls. Caller ID helps but I don’t always have the display or phone near me. Since there were actually a few “real” calls today, I jumped up and caught the last call before it stopped. It was a telemarketer robot voice offering a friendly representative if I pressed 1.
 
Would it be too offensive if I changed our greeting to: “Press one now, to kiss my A$$.”

~-~like a thought in the sky~-~

Walking on the sunny side of the street is positive. Crossing in the middle and getting hit by the number 11 bus is not so.

Hoping to keep those 10’s of readers coming back, I offer this original rhyme (also found in the dividers on this post): 

Tweeting tweeting little text 
how I wonder what comes next 
up in clouds you fly 
like a thought in the sky

hey hey hey remember when

I enjoy being funny. I try. I’ve gotten a few laughs from those around me. Yeah sure, maybe I’m counting eye-rolls too. Reality just does not allow you to be funny all the time and that’s probably good. It could become one of those too much of a good thing problem. One of my longtime funny heroes (wait, what? you don’t have funny heroes?) is Bill Cosby.

Some of you kids will only remember him (75 this year) as the cool dad on “The Cosby Show” sitcom. I didn’t watch sitcoms very much but like most American families we watched his a few times. 

My introduction to Bill Cosby goes back further. It was audio. His comedy albums released in the sixties were hilarious to me. One of my pals in the neighborhood had a couple of his LP albums. We couldn’t get enough of his Fat Albert, Chicken Heart, Go Cart stories. You can find them on youtube today. 

My wife and I were fortunate once to see him live at a big banquet. He is an artist at painting a story’s funny image in your mind. 

This chocolate cake story could of happened to me.

The other day I was enjoying a meal at a rock-n-roll themed restaurant. Listening to the fifties and sixties songs, a personal flashback movie started playing in my head. I heard the following song and while not sure of the title I was sure Bill Cosby was singing it. Back home via the wonderous internet I solved my music searching quest.  The song was titled “Little Ole Man” (released 1967).
 

I’ve changed

But not much. I did a little tweaking to the blog layout. 

Also I updated my “about” page (if you want to know).

"So what?" you reply. Alright, maybe you'll enjoy this:

Comedy Central Stand-Up
Get More: Jokes,Joke of the Day,Funny Jokes

blog like a man

oooo eeee oooo

he said 

blog like a man 

talk like a man 

blog like a man my son 

no follower worth 

crawling on the earth 

so blog like a man my son

Since the “Jersey Boys” musical was big hit I assume most of you kids know this song. I actually like the Frankie Valli version better. (here’s a link if you need to refresh your memory)

Maybe you have noticed I love song parodies. Lucky for you I can’t sing.  Parodies are a great mix of comedy and music. Here’s a recent find. Tim Hawkins is funny and can play the guitar. 




I took a walk on the wild side today - I wore my socks inside out. 

Next time I’ll write about how I blog the line. Yes I’ll admit that I’m a fool for you. Because you are mine, I blog the line.

live from blogland it’s Friday Fragments

I still remember when SNL was really good and hilarious. Now it’s rare that they offer a good skit (IMHO). Comedy probably changes faster than, ah, hmm - tires on an Indy 500 car.

Blogs can be lively but they are not live. Someday the FF bloggers should gather around and go live in a big chat room. I remember the old AOL chat room feature that was a big hit years ago. This idea got me wondering if FB had this and it seems you need to accept some other FB app to do it. If anyone is interested in this idea, I think the better way to go than FB would be google chat/talk.

I took a quick look back at my blog posts of about one year ago. I’m not sure why but you don’t always need a reason. I found this picture of an odd job - snake transporter.

from Onestonedcrow

Maybe you heard about the Aflac duck voiceover story but that’s not the only ducky news out there.

Police looking to quack the case of 2,500 stolen rubber ducks

Don’t you love it when a story is just begging for a funny headline?

In Yorkville IL. (which is near Plano and Sandwich) there was no time for playing duck, duck, goose. There was crime on the streets and ducks missing. Thieves had taken 2,500 innocent rubber duckies. I learned of the crime back in March and hoped to find an update telling of the duck thieves being brought to justice or at least being run out of town. I suspect the rubber duck community might never know because this article indicates a juveniles gone bad situation and therefore their names might not be released.

From up north comes this interesting legal finding:

Canadian, Paddi Anne Moore was pulled over by a police officer last spring and asked to blow into a breathalyzer. She failed to blow into it. Police charged her with refusing to give a breath sample.

Later in the court of justice, her charges were thrown out by the judge. Her defense - Botox. Having received Botox injections she could not pucker her lips.

Mrs. 4444 gets her ducks in row every Friday and offers FF. There plenty of Friday Fragments to share, you don’t need your ducky or blow into anything, just click her badge/button below.

tickle me Katy

Elmo has a dilemma.

He’s losing audience because he performing with young singers who are too sexy for his street - sesame street. The outcome being his hard work not being broadcast. Maybe he needs a new agent.

Too sexy? Well that would be in human terms because perhaps you failed to notice, but Elmo performs in the nude. His body is fuzzy enough to pull that off, I guess.

I found the clip of Elmo and Katy Perry do a parody of one of Katy’s hit songs, “Hot N Cold”. I really don’t understand the problem with it. Yes Katy could be considered eye candy for some but she doesn’t do anything suggestive in the skit. She is singing a fun song with a puppet. Having her on show would attract more dads to watch the show with their kids.

If they keep this up they will be able to produce “Sesame Street Uncut”.

(NBC)

“Today’s show is brought to you by the number 38 and the letter double D”

Did you see Katy on SNL last weekend?

Now had she worn that outfit on sesame street then I would understand pulling the skit from the programming. But she didn’t. A cute young thing like Katy might be considered sexy in anything other than a burqa.

Hopefully this SNL clip below will work (it might start with an ad). I was having some trouble getting it to work but if you didn’t see it they make a great point at the end. You can watch it on SNL’s web site.

These ladies are funny.

"Who cares if kids are looking at boobs - boobs feed babies, alright?  I see 'CSI' last night and there’s a dead guy with worm in his eye - and we can't watch the top of boobs? So dumb, America."

Two blondes walk into a building ...

wouldn't you think ONE of them would have seen it coming??

><<>>

Dumb joke?  Jokes like other entertainment are enjoyed but some but not others.

One of the enjoyments of my past biz travel was sharing jokes.  There were some guys with great material and delivery.  One liners and short ones are a great way to get it going. 

This sales rep I met has a trophy wife.  I got to meet her once.  I guess it was second place.

<<>>

Remembering the joke is key.  How often do you only remember part of it?  You start a joke and then stumble through the rest.  Repeating the jokes helped my memory of them.  Email really changed the joke telling.  It became hard to have a new one that others didn't know from their inbox.

During part of my career I fortunate enough to travel with this retired sailor who is a great guy.  We share some common interest and he tells some great stories and jokes.  For now I'll just call him J.  Maybe I can get him to visit the blog and read this.  

You know someone is good when their friends are asking them to tell others at the table some favorite story.

One night J is out late at the local bar near the base.  You know the term drunken sailor didn't just sail in from the blue - right?.  So there is some serious drinking going down.

J knows how to pace it and is in complete control.  But across the room is whole different scene.

There is a guy who can't stand up any longer.  J is thinking this guy is not going to make it home.  He goes over to offer some assistance.  (I told you J is a great guy)  J finds out the guy lives nearby and decides to give him a ride home.

J helps the poor soul out to his car.  The guy falls down in the parking lot while J is trying to get him into the car.

They make it to the guys house and J props him up on the porch and rings the bell.

J sees the wife coming and prepares to catch hell.  Surprisingly, she is very very thankful and carries her husband into the house. 

J is just stepping off the porch, thinking that went well, when she calls him back.

"Thanks again - but did you bring his crutches?"

<<>>

That's one of my favorites of many that J told.

head and heart

off the top of my head and from the bottom of my heart - would that be a spontaneous thoughtful idea?

Recently my wife and I were surprised with tickets to a Jerry Seinfeld show. We have both enjoyed him since his long running TV show. My family has compared me to the character George at times. Jerry still gives a great stand-up show.

He questioned where the phrase "blow smoke up your ass" came from. Did someone actually do this? Why would anyone bother doing this or think of it? Like George Carlin, Jerry finds humor in analyzing the common expressions said daily. Do you ever think why do I say this?

I've had some random questions and observations pop into my head many times:

As a guy I could be knocked around, knocked down, but never knocked up.

Suggestions -

1. All Facebook users worried about aging should just use profile pictures from their youth. Is it insulting to say "You were a cute baby"?
2. powerpoint should require a warning - loss of complete sentences, drowsiness, unnecessary coloring of fonts, may result in the presenter looking like a sandwich short of a picnic.

Questions -

1. Would you like to get down with a person you look up to?
2. Does the additive effect of bad weather experiences make us worry more about the weather as we age?
3. For years it has been known that we live in a dusty universe. So why is cleanliness close to godliness? Dust is cosmic. Next time you ask, "where did all this dust come from?" - it's the universe letting you know your place.
4. What is more annoying than a telemarketer? Is that part of the interview screening? Please annoy me. Ok you're hired.
5. Has anyone studied bored to death cases? - good place to start bloggers

Today's post comes from a barefoot blogger who is enjoying nice weather on his deck.

Take care and past it along.

more economy opinion

More noise to add to this economic mess - everyone has an opinion.

Here's the one I posted.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

CNBC Gives Financial Advice

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Joke of the Day

when you think of odd job

What comes to mind?

Among other influences, your age would be a factor. If you grew up as a oo7 fan, then odd job is this guy from "Goldfinger":



But today with high unemployment touching most everyone in someway, odd job might be the only job. I heard about this new site Odd Job Nation the other day.

I like their odd humor approach on work. Looks like they are making a youtube series (is that a new term?) about odd jobs and being out of work. This first one is great. Put on your headphones and take a look:




Still with me?

Maybe the site has some type of deal with Craigslist - I don't know. But they offer a link to search for odd jobs on Craigslist (I know you could do this without their front end web site but hey, their humor puts you in a better mood).

Anyway, one odd job that got my attention was, "House Manager, Live-In (Gold Coast)". Now, I think "house manager" is a marketing/resume/HR dept. term for MAID. But here's a piece from that ad:

We provide a 2-bedroom apartment.
Work schedule Monday-Friday, 8-4.
Location: Gold Coast
Compensation: $60,000 - $70,000/year

Hmm - apartment on Chicago Gold Coast with some decent pay - maybe I should learn to cook and clean.

out of rehab and in denial

Tribute to George Carlin
I hope a band like REM adds music to this.