Monday, November 01, 2010

Have any tea leaves handy

Once long ago (maybe it was a past life)  I actually paid a lady to stir up some wet tea leaves and study them. I think she told me I was to become a famous blogger but at the time I didn’t know what a blogger was. It sounded too much like booger. I gave her my money and left.

Flash forward to today - I passed a psychic reading business and wondered why wouldn’t psychics be the richest people around. The place looked ok, but it certainly was no mansion. I’m not sure but I don’t think most psychics are wealthy.

Well now I had an idea to search on the internet. Did you know there are plenty of free fortune telling on the web? Of course, there is also money to be made helping some foreign guy with collecting his winnings with the help of your bank account.

Do you think a psychic bank account reader would go over well? Free bank account reading just give me the number. For additional results I’ll need your password.

If I really believed in psychics, I would bring in the S&P500 list of stocks and ask for the next two or three most positive movers.

Why are most psychics women?

Did you happen to see the movie “The Men Who Stare at Goats”. I like George Clooney movies but I must admit this one was very strange, but had some great laughs. If you didn’t see the movie (it was not a big hit) it’s based on the true story of the US military’s use of psychics. This movie was in the results from searching for “psychic men”. Women dominate this industry.

Still with me? Do you have your paypal account handy?

I could not believe what I found next. Ok, maybe I didn’t find it. Maybe it was my spirit guide that found it and is the real one writing this great post. (oh another idea - thanks spirit guide - a Ouija Board that sends out tweets on twitter - damn too late - there’s already an app for that)

Sorry that last idea wasn’t the best discovery from my mystic searching but this stuff does draw you in you know. Hard to keep this ephemeral energy focused.

Did you see my last post? Fake Ass

Well this discovery continues on my ass theme (ah that doesn’t read right it’s not my ass but just my theme regarding ass).

Ever hear of rumpology?

I need to stop laughing just to write this down. There’s a psychic genius out there who will read your ass. This lady can predict your future by checking out your ass. I know some people have bigger futures than me and I’m not even trained in this.

Her web site (just hold your ass, I’ll give it to you in a second) explains the process and it’s very automated. You send her a digital picture of your ass, she “reads” it, and sends back the results. Oh, you need to use paypal.

So the next time my wife is deciding her outfit and asks about how it makes her ass look, I know what to do. It’s worth a visit to this psyshic’s site just to see the ass examples. The ass of a “fortune 500 CEO” did NOT have any money coming out but whoa that was one hairy ass.

Here’s the site Jacqueline Stallone’s Rumpology.

( full disclosure - I don’t know this ass-lady, have never used her service but I think my spirit guide might have)

Now I just need to get off my ass and figure out how to make some money. Actually maybe that’s the wrong approach I get some great ideas sitting on the throne.


Kristina P. said...

Do you get more money the more cellulite dimples you have?

lisleman said...

are you asking me about your ass? Oh maybe just some ass in general - right? I haven't open for business yet but I'm sure it's more complex that just the size or number of dimples. I'm guessing the arrangement of the dimples is probably critical.

unknownmami said...

Well, I don't know if you remember that I am a useless psychic. I have many psychic moments, but they are usually of no use to anyone. I dreamt my car had been broken into and when I woke up, it had been. Well, it was useless because I dreamt of it while it was happening.

joaniemack said...

Rumpology... now that's a new one!

I went to a psychic when I was in my early 20s. She told me I was going to have twins, probably boys and then a girl. I have a girl, a boy and a female Dennis the Menace (in that order). No twins.

lisleman said...

now that you mention it, I do remember that post. How would you like to do those wazoo readings? Crazy stuff. It would also be a crazy thing to submit to a web site.

gaelikaa said...

lisleman, if you're a shy and retiring person like I am (blushes) would it be okay to like, you know, use a body double and send a picture of someone else's ass instead, you know like the way some actresses do, use a body double for scenes containing nudity and stuff? And what happens if the 'forecasst' turns out wrong? Do you get your money back? Would the practitioner feel that they had made an 'ass' of themselves? The possibilities are endless.....

LMAO. Is it really necessary to pay someone to tell you that you've made an ass of your life.....????? :)

Fantastic Forrest said...

With all those puns, I'm as(s)tounded you didn't make a reference to the assets one handles.

dave hambidge said...

Assology... todays new WTF!

BLOGitse said...

I just read about instant loans (I don't know the word in English). Sometimes the interest might be 3000% - THAT is a good job!
But you have to work quite hard if people take 50$ loans and pay back in 30 days. But aren't there enough people who need cash right now whatever the price?

Thisstopwilloughby said...

I believe that some people are truly psychic, but I'm not so sure about rumpology! It's certainly creative. I wonder if she's gotten a lot of business? Do people really believe they can have their fortune read by sending a stranger a picture of their ass?

lisleman said...

body double - interesting work if you can get it.
Sending your ass picture in for a prediction does show that you may have made an ass of yourself.

lisleman said...

Not quite sure how this post got you on the subject of instant loans or payday loans. I think these businesses take advantage of poor people who don't understand loans and interest rates. Unfortunately there are too many people who don't understand until it's too late. If people understood that it would cost them 3 or 4 times the money they are borrowing I don't think they would do it. They don't understand probably because it is not explained correctly.

lisleman said...

We agree, I have the same questions. It's funny because it is so absurd.

BLOGitse said...

Money. Business.
Instant loans are as good business as rumpology! :)

secret agent woman said...

I feel pretty certian that Jacqueline Stallone is actually a site set up by either a creepy old man who hasn't gotten laid in a couple of decades or a young teenage boy who dreams of someday getting laid. Just a theory.

lisleman said...

wow you might be right.
It's not my site. Just saying. Not that you would have thought that for any reason whatsoever. Just saying.

Emily said...

I wonder how much money this woman is raking in. Is there cash in ass?

lisleman said...

That's a loaded question - yes for some I guess.

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