Sunday, May 30, 2010

father's day remembrance


(the clown is taking off his virtual funny nose for this post - if you are a newcomer this is not my typical post)

I'm having a difficult time deciding how to write a feeling.

Yesterday, I was going through old stuff which included pictures. By the time I went to bed an emotion inside me was telling to write about my dad. I didn't even sleep very well because you see this subject stirs a mixture of emotions. At one point I came very close to just writing it at 3 in the morning but I'm glad thought it over more.

I miss him.

A feeling that still surprises me because there was a period in my life which I remember well that I didn't think I would ever miss him. I was wrong.

I'm not going to go into the background because for one reason it would be the background revealed from my eyes. I just wish he could have been more open about his feelings and shared the background of his life before I showed up. I wanted to understand him better.  He left the world and I still look for some answers from him.

Please don't get the impression that he didn't do great and wonderful things for us. He did and I am grateful for the many fun and exciting times he shared with me and the family.

This is a favorite picture of mine since I found it a pile of old slides. What I see in this picture triggers a flood of memories. That pencil stuck in the side of his hat, the backyard location, that happy look on my face, all give me some time travel.



Thanks Dad!
(thanks Mom for taking this great shot)

Also, Eric Clapton's  "My Father's Eyes" expresses this so well that it brings me tears.  Take a listen:


(oh, I even thought of turning off the comments on this post because I certainly am not looking for any sympathy. But this is a blog and sharing comments enriches it so comments are welcomed.)

26 comments:

Charlie Callahan said...

"I miss him."

Enough said.

Philip said...

That is a great post, and an absolutely amazing photograph.

TechnoBabe said...

My dear friend, you just do not know how fortunate you are to have a pictures of you with your dad. There is joy on your young face. I never had that. I am really happy that you did though. I watched the Eric Clapton video because he is one of my favorites because my hubby plays alot like him. But I had to stop part way through and go get a hug from my hubby. My father was legally blind and had less than 2% vision since he was 15 but the eyesight wasn't the painful part, he was alcoholic and I can only remember one time I had time with him father to daughter and I was about 4. I was trying to learn my ABCs and writing on a small chalk board and even knowing my father could not see I would keep showing him my attempts to write my letters. He would hold the chalk board real close to his eyes and try to see and then say to do it over or try to do better. I would. Over and over. I wish so much I had nice memories like I see in your picture of you and your dad. Not to take away from your memories and your honest post about missing your dad. I hug you and even if I don't know that kind of family life, I can be truly glad you did.

lulu labonne said...

That is a wonderful picture, there's so much I love about it.

lisleman said...

thank you friend - you had something to do with this post and didn't even know it. I was reading your interview and you said you had a significant post written about Father's Day. That and looking through the old stuff was the inspiration for posting this. thanks and thanks for sharing a very heartfelt comment.

lisleman said...

thanks - photos can catch amazing moments.

lisleman said...

thanks I sense you understand where I'm coming from.

lisleman said...

thanks

Cheeseboy said...

I could feel the emotion of this post through my laptop screen. Well done.

The Urban Cowboy said...

You can see the joy your father invoked through this picture.

jill said...

Lisle...what a touching post. It's especially heartwarming to read something like this when it comes from a guy. Why do men normally keep these types of emotions and feelings within? It's healthy to express them. Thanks for sharing!
I miss my dad as well. It's been 7 years already.

lisleman said...

Of course men and women are different and it's good that we are. Different generations, different families believe showing too much emotion is a bad thing. You are right, trying to just hide and cover up feelings doesn't work well.

Joanna Jenkins said...

It's great that you have old photos of your Dad, especially ones like this that are filled with details and memories.

My dad passed away nearly 17 years ago. Father's Day always brings back a flood of memories and makes me sad.

Hang in there,
jj

dave hambidge said...

I'm glad that you have such potent memories of your dad. Well written...

Bearman said...

When I lost my dad all the well wishes really didn't mean anything until a cousin who lost his mom the prior year just simply said "It sucks" All that needed to be said.

lisleman said...

you're right it sucks and words don't always work for some emotions.

lisleman said...

thank you

lisleman said...

JJ thank you and you hang in there too. all the best

lisleman said...

thank you

lisleman said...

thank you

oceangirl415 said...

Beautiful words, beautiful song lisleman. The joy on your face could only be invoke by a father. Mothers could not give the same joy to their sons like a father could.

lisleman said...

thank you - I do like the smile on both our faces.

secretagentwoman said...

My father was not an easy man to grow up with but I know I'll miss him when he's gone. In fact, since he has dementia, I already do.

lisleman said...

The dementia affliction is such an emotional torment. My FIL suffered that long decline. After he passed away, his granddaughter said that now that grandpa is in heaven he will have his memory back. I hope she was right.
All the best.

redgirl said...

thank you for popping over. we all have our own ghost in our closets.

lisleman said...

thanks for reading this. As I age I realize again and again that the families shown on TV and film just don't exist. Come back and take a look around the blog. thanks

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