As spokesman for the Institute for Better Postings I want to share a bit of news and commentary on another spokesperson. Perhaps this spokeswoman had a few spokes stuck in her head. Perhaps it's that Florida sun.
This story comes to us from Florida, once known for the Florida Citrus Commission spokeswoman who disliked gays but loved oranges (extra points if you remember her name). I have no idea what she thinks of snail sexuality, but I suspect few people have ever written those words so lets move on.
A recent Chicago Tribune newspaper (extra points if you still read newspapers) printed this article from Reuters. I suspect the article might have been saved for page filler but it did include a similar nice picture as above.
Guess what? The Burmese Python is not the only invasive species (I believe Florida's first invasive species was the New York retiree) in Florida. Today Florida is fighting snails, huge snails, big enough to carry away a small child. Why does Florida have such a constant problem with invasive species? I don't know but suspect it's the sun effect on people's brains.
Alright fine, another animal invasion. Even Illinois didn't want to be let out so we opened our rivers up to an Asian Carp invasion (see fishy news). However, the basic news of a big bad snail alone would not merit a post here at the institute (we have standards). What makes this snail article special are the spokeswoman's quotes:
As a spokesperson myself I would never offer the hint of a suggestion that I communicate with snails. My spokesperson training tells me, her suggestive statement completely destroyed her authority on this scientific subject. That's not bad enough. No, she continues to discuss her consumption of ham sandwiches and oranges. Really, would you not agree that while eating either of these items you would certainly notice even a tiny snail inside? I would never go to her house for lunch.
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| this is not the spokeswoman it's a huge snail |
A recent Chicago Tribune newspaper (extra points if you still read newspapers) printed this article from Reuters. I suspect the article might have been saved for page filler but it did include a similar nice picture as above.
Guess what? The Burmese Python is not the only invasive species (I believe Florida's first invasive species was the New York retiree) in Florida. Today Florida is fighting snails, huge snails, big enough to carry away a small child. Why does Florida have such a constant problem with invasive species? I don't know but suspect it's the sun effect on people's brains.
Alright fine, another animal invasion. Even Illinois didn't want to be let out so we opened our rivers up to an Asian Carp invasion (see fishy news). However, the basic news of a big bad snail alone would not merit a post here at the institute (we have standards). What makes this snail article special are the spokeswoman's quotes:
"They're huge, they move around, they look like they're looking at you ... communicating with you, and people enjoy them for that,"
"If you got a ham sandwich in Jamaica or the Dominican Republic, or an orange, and you didn't eat it all and you bring it back into the States and then you discard it, at some point, things can emerge from those products,"
As a spokesperson myself I would never offer the hint of a suggestion that I communicate with snails. My spokesperson training tells me, her suggestive statement completely destroyed her authority on this scientific subject. That's not bad enough. No, she continues to discuss her consumption of ham sandwiches and oranges. Really, would you not agree that while eating either of these items you would certainly notice even a tiny snail inside? I would never go to her house for lunch.
