reason to write cornucopia

Frequent readers of “A Few Clowns Short” will have read a few of these fragments from 2012. 

I know it’s not Friday but I wanted to reason to write cornucopia so here is a cornucopia of my Friday fragments.

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recent observation: A McDonalds in the city is very different that the burbs. Same food but such different clientele. I noticed people with extra pieces of metal stuck in their nose and mouth. I learned (TMI?) the older guy over there has a bad back and loves minestrone soup. Good thing I don’t do my web surfing there too often because the sausage egg biscuit and my keyboard don’t play together well.

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How could I use my honest looks to my advantage? Anybody needing an old guy for a commercial ad gig?

Once again a stranger approached me and asked if I could watch his stuff while he needs to step away. I have the appearance of a free security guard. This time I was sitting in Starbucks enjoying a drink and free Wi-Fi. The laptop and Iphone sitting on this guy's small table would be prime targets on a CTA bus/train. A previous time I was sitting in the library and same type of thing happened. No theft to report.  

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Words exist for me to misspell. This past week I wrote in an email, “I hope I'm not being a nuance.”

Clever subtleties in my writing would be a good thing I believe. NO, I was expressing my fear of becoming a nuisance. Being close in spelling doesn’t cut it.  

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Our granddaughter’s preschool class was visited by a mischievous leprechaun while the kids were out on the playground. The kids were excited to share the big news when they were picked-up. The big breaking news was that the leprechaun did NOT flush after using the toilet because the water was still green.

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Domination of the muffin

Fruit snack smackdown

Those are a few phrases from a report I read recently regarding the upcoming raisins vs. craisins war. Fruit war - now that’s post material.

Maybe my cereal bowl is just a few raisins short today because I can’t seem to write a full post on war hungry raisins. The raisin growers are financing a $1.5 million anti-craisin campaign. I’ll be honest with you on this - if they would like to throw a piece of their budget my way I would be glad to support them and bad mouth a few craisins.

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While down in the basement man cave, I hear my wife calling (note work on soundproofing) to alert me about something the neighbor had discovered in our downspout. What? I step out into the back yard to hear the bird-stuck-in-your-drain tale. As I’m being told the story, I restrain myself from asking why the neighbor is listening to our downspout. “What are you a weirdo downspout listener?” I want to ask but don’t.

At first I figured it must be a chipmunk but in fact it was a bird. I tried a few different ideas to evacuate him but my bird negotiation knowledge is severely lacking. The sun would set in 30 minutes and the area was very muddy so after those failed attempts I did what I do best - procrastinate and think about it.

Our daughter had an outside-of-the-box-thinking idea. Her suggestion which I tried was to place a light in the downspout to scare the bird to go out the other end. Sure it was an outside-of-the-box idea but it wasn’t an out of the drain one. I think the bird enjoyed a night light.

The next morning I disconnected the downspout and drain pipe. I even stepped back and waited. Nothing but a little scratching around. I got a long stick and thought maybe I could push him out. No, but I was able to clean some debris from the pipe. I could see him and he was larger than I expected. I held the pipe down level and just waited. About a minute or so he jumped out. One jump and he was in the air. I don't think he even touched the ground first. Flew to a nearby tree and was gone. Freebird!

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Next time a stranger approaches you and says “you look familiar do I know you for somewhere?”, answer, “Yes, remember I loaned you $20 about 8 months ago.”

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The reason I mention religion is the recent news story about the possibility that Jesus had a wife. My first reaction about this ancient script was “they found a honey-do list?” If Jesus was married I would think she would have be referenced at least once in those stories while he was hanging with the boys.

Married - no matter either way. I read this Chicago Tribune article about it and completely agree that this news prompts people to discuss religion which is good thing when everyone acts respectfully. The author of the article who is with the Archdiocese of Chicago, brought up a bible passage (Matthew 8: 14-15:) in which Jesus cured Peter’s mother-in-law of a fever. The strangest part for me is at the end of passage. After the fever left her, she waited on them and in some versions served them a meal. I’m thinking Peter saying something like, “Ok my buddy healed you, now off and make us sandwiches.” 

Don’t you think there is humor in the Bible?