a few clowns short

who cares friday survey

2012-01-26T12:11:00.000-06:00

It’s sun-dried tomato time kids. You will not find soup for slackers nor nowhere nuts on my menu but I do have a few Friday Fragments. Fragments certified by Mrs. 4444 to be fresh and frost free.

(warning to those who dislike youtube clips - You are a member of an elite group. What’s not to like in a funny youtube clip? Youtube gets 4 BILLION views a DAY so if you dislike youtube you might not be normal. I’m embedding three clips in this week’s FF post.)

Weekend - evidence that people enjoy relaxing free time. We don’t have a word like weekstart or weekbegin. However if everyone wants to be relaxed what's up with not feeling great about buying relaxed fit jeans?

Overhead at Starbucks - a few young ladies talking about how to overcome feeling possessed by a demon. I HAD to get up from my section and ~~STARE~~ look around the divider. They didn’t look demonic. It might have been a Bible study group. That coffee can be too strong.

Recent internet discovery - Remember the other day when many sites went “dark” to protest that Hollywood sponsored internet protection law? Besides the protest getting a good amount of attention. I discovered another version of wikipedia. It’s the simple English version (it didn’t go dark that day) and it is provided for people learning English. Here’s the simple link.

Survey says people are tired of surveys - that was a headline in a South Carolina newspaper but who reads the paper? I still do and have proudly mentioned that here before. I hate surveys. What I have not done in many many years is watch Family Feud. It sure has changed - watch this short clip.

Blue Ivy - If you have that you have gardening problems - right? I know the green ivy has not helped the Chicago Cubs much but it looks nice. Beyonce’s strange naming doesn’t compare to Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop.

His name brings entertainment to many situations such as: jury duty selection, your name called for a table, entering another country with his passport. I think he should run for an elected office. (Mrs. 4444 did you noticed he was from WI?)

This last one came from a sharing on G+. Women apparently love to share their pregnancy experiences. Five kids - no pregnancies = male advantage.

That’s it. Until next time try to keep your ephemeral energy focused.

wandering mind

2012-01-25T16:12:00.000-06:00

I just passed a sign in front of a strip mall advertising psychic readings. I’m not interested nor do I believe in future predicting or mind reading. I have noticed that some people are more adept at reading others feelings and emotions.

I’m not. My clueless moments have gotten me in trouble in the past.

So instead of psychic readings do you think I could offer psycho readings. Enjoy 15 minutes talking with a psycho and leave feeling better about yourself. What would you pay for that?

If the business took off, I might achieve psycho coach someday.

Now that most everything is being digitized and run as apps, you won’t be surprised to learn there’s an app for that. Ouija Board apps are available for both Apple and Android devices. (there’s psycho one too but it appears to just be a bloody knife)

Who wants to go first?

flying fun

2012-01-24T18:08:00.000-06:00

I received an fun email forwarded my way today. The subject was an airline taking a fun approach to flying. Typically I find most “forwards” annoying but every once in a taco I get a laugh.

I wish all companies had the sense of humor this South African airline shows in their plane painting. I might be a jambalaya joker but don’t you enjoy a little humor from the companies you are dealing with, especially when traveling or going out to eat?

Southwest Airlines has provided me some entertainment on a few of my flights. They also had fun painting their planes. Maybe Kulula airline got the idea from them. Have you ever seen the Sea World killer whale plane swim by your terminal gate? Southwest has 3 of them. Just seeing it out of the airport window brings me a smile.

Back in 2009, Southwest painted a Sports IlLUSTrated cover girl on one of their planes. Sex appeal?

My favorite Kulula paint job would be the “This Side Up” place. The planes don’t work well in the opposite position.

In case anyone is curious about the parts of a typical airliner, they offer this educational version.

You can see all of the Kulula planes by going to their web site and clicking on “Meet our fleet” about half way down (that's where these pictures came from).

no caution needed

2012-01-23T17:05:00.003-06:00

I’m not hot but I appreciate being handled with care.

McDonald's morning coffee prompted a question

(after making a few assumptions first)

At what age do you go from being hot and sexy to being cool and sweet?

In other words when does your description more likely include “sweet old man” or “such a sweet lady” than those more sultry words?

Sexy is mostly in our heads. A definite age for this transition doesn’t exist. George Clooney (turned 50 last year) might still rate a sexy in his description. What about Robert De Niro? Bob’s age is approaching 69 and he doesn’t look bad in this 2011 picture.

from wikipedia

So this is all very subjective but I bet we can all agree the following picture is NOT sexy (maybe sick?).

reality interruption

2012-01-22T15:22:00.000-06:00

We interrupt your virtual world with this breaking news flash from the real world.

This past week my world was interrupted by very sad news. My 91 year old uncle passed away. My wife and I are so grateful that we were able to make it to his 90th birthday party.

I hope that I can wear a smile with my wrinkles as good as he could.

Complicating the travel plans of the visiting friends and relatives was nature’s winter interruption, a snow storm. I did some airport shuttle duty.

Overall the sharing of family stories and meeting new members of the extended clan brought some joy to the sad occasion.

His daughter shared a few funny stories about her dad. A fun guy that I learned was even more generous with helping neighbors than I realized.

My uncle didn’t care much for gambling but disliked losing even more. My cousin told us once she made a $5 bet on the superbowl game with her dad. As they watched the game unfold she made use of his new foot stool. She teased him as the fourth quarter was underway that he should get his $5 ready because her team had a winning lead.

He asked, “What do you think of my new foot stool?”

“It’s really a good one dad.” she replied.

“You know, I rent it out for $5.” he informed her.

She never got her $5 win. I’m going to remember that quick thinking trick.

Death demands we interrupt our plans but we get to make new plans later on.

I sold a memory once

2012-01-18T12:12:00.000-06:00

E-bay sells memories. The E-bay buyer of my memory probably was going to resell it. Perhaps the future buyer was doing the opposite; buying a memory.

The strange thing is these memories are not bought and sold. It’s only the symbol of the memory. I still have the small memory of my grade school lunchbox back in a corner of my brain. I just don’t have the rusty lunchbox in the corner of my basement.

Music generates many memories for me. Happy, sad, or just pleasant impressions of past events play along in my head with many songs.

“One for my baby” doesn’t revive any specific memory. It brings an image of small hole-in-wall bar with one sad customer left. My blog brain heard it and I started comparing it to blogging.

I’ve got the routine put another post in the blog

...

You’d never know it

but buddy I’m kinda poet

and I got a lot of things to say

...

and thanks for the cheer

I hope you didn’t mind

my bending your ear

LLL number 5

2012-01-15T20:30:00.000-06:00

Watchin’ every motion in my foolish blogger game
On this endless web finally bloggers know no shameTurning and returning to some linky site inside
Watchin’ in slow motion as you link here and say
Take my meme away
Take my meme away

Alright I just ruined yet another good song. I thought a catchy tune might draw you in. In for what you ask. Now playing at A Few Clowns Short -

Lisleman’s Left-over Laughs #5.

It’s a Lisleman meme.

No mermaid meme for me

Remember add your funny post with the link tool when you reach bottom (bottom of this post - not the bottom of your day or anything like that). Note, the link tool will stay open for days.

Didn’t come prepared with a funny post to link. Drop your excuse note in the comment section and return with your link tomorrow or the next day. All players will graduated to the next class. You just need to play along.

Some examples of funny pictures in the category of "Ain't the truth".

Thinking of number 5 (remember this is LLL #5) brings this song to mind.

A little bit of you, makes me your meme.

Please link up

get ready

2012-01-13T12:18:00.000-06:00

You're alright

You're outta sight

do you know about LLL?

There has been 4 LLL's and we need another one. I dislike regular schedules. Most of life doesn't run on a schedule and the LLL game/meme doesn't either.

You'll find more info and links to the past LLL's under the LLL tab below the header above.

Come back Monday (come back everyday if you like) and bring a link with you to join in the sharing of a laugh. It can be a funny post (there are many out there), funny video, funny picture, funny joke. Did you noticed the word funny? Good just remember that and you'll do great.

So tiddley-dee, tiddley-dum
Look out baby, 'cause here I come.
And I'm bringing you a LAUGH that's true.
So get ready, so get ready.

fly me to the fragment

2012-01-12T16:50:00.001-06:00

Are your fragments coalesced yet? I start collecting mine days before Friday and by Thursday I’m ready to dump them on you. Don’t worry they don’t stain. You probably know what I’m talking about but if you don’t and you happened to stumble over here for the first time please take a look and then direct yourself to the Friday Fragment collector, Mrs. 4444.

It snowed today. Now it is January 12 so this typically would be not be anything worth reporting for a Chicagoland winter. But for some reason which I’m NOT complaining about, winter has been postponed this year. No shoveling, no complaints. So far, it’s not much but enough to shovel.

our grand-dog - I think she likes snow

Do you know much about black holes? I have read a number of physic books so I understand the concept. There is astronomical evidence that a big one exists at the center of our galaxy.

One of the characteristics of a black hole is the crossing of the point of no return (fancy name is event horizon). Have you ever experience the event of not realizing the time spent following links on the internet? I think there might be black holes on the internet, so be careful.

This pinterest site shows signs of being a potential black hole internet site. I had heard of it not too long ago and thought it’s just of lots of fashion, hair styles, home decorating and shopping stuff up there. I could care less.

Then FF collector, Mrs. 4444, mentioned it on her FF post and I respect her suggestions so I took a deeper look at it. I was surprised about the variety of things that users collect up there. You can find hunting, sports, beer, and even junk robots. I joined. I don’t have too much yet but take a look:

As we age and our focus dulls, often our conversations turn into word guessing games. Have you had this happen yet? Don't worry there is still time. The guessing game can provide comic relief in some situations.

(during the middle of a possible conversation with a sibling)

“Oh what was it I was going to say It was somewhere we were and I was laughing about something.”

“That’s pretty vague. How would I know but here’s a few clues from our conversation so far:teens,parties,the beach,seagulls,sunscreen...”

“No that doesn’t help. Oh darn, it was a good story too.”

“Well maybe it will come you later.”

“Oh, oh, now I remember. Remember the time you dropped your ice cream cone on the back seat and then tried to lick it off?”

“No not really.”

pardon my typo

2012-01-11T19:35:00.001-06:00

Warning: The following contains an acceptable amount of errors. Please realize this is the internet.

Today while finishing a task many considered outdated, I read the word “iniquity”. I found it used in a newspaper (made out of physical paper mind you) article about New Orleans. I’ve only been there once for a short time but I understand there might be a few dens of iniquity there.

This is not a word I use often but I always do associate it with a den. There are other dens of course but our small house does not have a den. Don't you need servants to have a den? I do have a man-cave area in the basement.

Accordingly to extensive internet searching (google search engine is powerful) it comes from “den of thieves” which was referenced in the Bible.

Now I can’t imagine a group of thieves using the word iniquity but I just do not know. Maybe I should take a trip to Scotland because according to google there is a “Den of Iniquity Tattoo & Piercing Palour” operating there.

It would be fun to create a den of bloggers. We could plot our posts together and keep a chest of comments. Late at night someone would break out singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall. It would be grand.

Oh if you are researching on the internet, don’t forget youtube. My searching on the phrase, “den of iniquity” turned up this clip from the past.

nice to be nice

2012-01-10T12:01:00.001-06:00

I found this on Facebook.

It reminded me not to be so quick to form an opinion of others based on a short interaction. Also, it's good to think about others and not just yourself.

The clip is worth watching and thinking about. Be nice.

cheap pins, dried up pens

2012-01-09T17:10:00.000-06:00

maybe a coffee cup with a corporate logo.

Unlike the motivational poster, these corporate tokens can be shoved out of sight just like your next raise. It’s just common sense that you don’t motivate anyone with a poster.

Most of the tokens given for service awards don’t do much either except to become junk in a drawer.What motivated me to discuss (it will be a discussion if you add to the comment section) these lame forced expressions of fake appreciation was a blog post by Pearl. (see her link at the bottom)

I grabbed a quick collection of my corporate memorabilia and snapped this picture. I think the pins are the dumbest. Have you ever seen anyone wearing a gold colored service pin?

Back in the 80’s I was given a glass pitcher and tumbler set with the company’s logo engraved on the glass. At first I thought it might be useful for an evening of drinks on the deck. I don’t ever recall using it. A few years ago we were cleaning clutter out of the basement and came across the glassware set. Hmmm, maybe a e-bay auction would work I thought.

At that time, I happened to be working at that company again as a contractor and mentioned to the manager of the group that contracted me. To my surprise (BTW I think he was still single) I convinced him to buy it from me for $25.

This same company, a telecommunication manufacturer, did give me one of my best service awards. Back when they were a small growing public company, they gave out stock awards. I was granted a couple hundred dollars worth of their public traded shares. I still have a few of the shares which over the years split many times and rose and fell in value. Not only was the gift more valuable in the long run, it opened my eyes to the stock market. Much better than a glass pitcher with a logo across it.

My wife recently received a service award. It is a little nicer when they offer you a selection of gifts. Of course the selection had limited appeal to her. She picked a small off-brand video camera (like the flip camera but another brand) gadget. It works OK.

Don’t misunderstand my point here. It’s not just money that forms the big picture of the workplace for workers. Respect, working conditions, team relationships, type of assignments, openness to suggestions and many small daily things play a part in creating a desire to show up for work. Management gets it right once in awhile. I believe the bigger the group, the more removed management is from the daily tasks being requested.

Here’s the post from Pearl that motivated this post. This shows that other bloggers can movitate me. (Pearl a pen and clock set or maybe a t-shirt, baseball cap combo - no key-chains please.)

another circus

baby face

2012-01-07T17:33:00.000-06:00

We all start out with them. Moms miss them. They look so cute.

Baby faces

Thanks to the wonders of digital photography and my daughter remembering to charge her smartphone, I'm able to share a funny picture of our granddaughter.

Isn't it great to catch a funny baby face?

Unknown Mami collects some great links to pictures every Sunday. Check them out - maybe there will be more baby faces to see.

first friday of the year

2012-01-05T13:16:00.000-06:00

I don’t believe Mrs. 4444 knew what she was starting when she started collecting Friday fragments. This weekly routine has prompted a number of posts from me and others.

Any of you remember that kid movie “Monster Inc.”? I really enjoyed it as I do many Pixar movies. The plot involves getting energy from children’s screams. Wouldn’t it be great if we could get energy from Friday fragments?

- crank up the fragments -

Recently on a dark night by the glow of my laptop screen I wrote:

“I would rather be up late than start the day early. Sunsets look nicer than sunrises. But right now I’m walking after midnight because this cough won’t permit me lay down. Along with not being able to better control my cough I also can’t seem to sleep sitting up. I have rarely ever slept on a plane.

The forced change in my sleep schedule blurs the days. There’s a cough waiting in the dark shadows. Waiting for me to relax so it can pounce on my chest and throat.”

egg roll on

recent observation:
A McDonalds in the city is very different that the burbs. Same food but such different clientele. I noticed people with extra pieces of metal stuck in their nose and mouth. I learned (TMI?) the older guy over there has a bad back and loves minestrone soup. Good thing I don’t do my web surfing there too often because the sausage egg biscuit and my keyboard don’t play together well.

salsa sliding

Added to my reasons for not having a smartphone, this absurd app “I just made love app”.

Really? I don't want to know. I should start offering a treatment plan for the Absurdity of Smartphones Syndrome (ASS). Just because you have a smartphone you don’t have to make an ass of yourself.

soup for slackers

I enjoy good craft beer. (oh if you didn’t read it already on G+ or FB - I’m wishing you all a good beer). But I’ve discovered that I don’t like all craft beers. One of my Christmas gifts was a selection of craft beer. I ask for beer every year. I suppose my daughter wants to personalize it with a unique twist. She finds some strange stuff. I can appreciate that thought and effort. It just doesn’t always work well though. I have this really dark bitter stuff now that I failed to finish even the first bottle.

sister goes to Disney World, I got a picture

2012-01-04T18:49:00.000-06:00

That's OK because Disney World over the holidays can be a bit too crowded for my taste. Speaking of taste, did I mention that one of the Disney restaurants inspired me to create “Fat Ass Donuts”.

Actually I have not created anything but a donut hole so far. I just wrote a post on the idea once.

What was I going to write about?

Oh yeah, this picture I got.

Really I do appreciate that my BIL thought of my blog and sent me a picture including the background for me to use.

Ready

May the force be with you

or wind to your back

or may the batteries remain fresh in your light-saber

or I don’t know it been too long since I watched “Star Wars”.

Chewbacca makes me want to choke on a hairball. Love the R2D2 and CP3O robots though.

Outside the Star Wars ride at Disney Hollywood Studios they were “recruiting Padawan” or “future Jedi Knights”, all of whom were about 8-9 years old. They were given some quick light sabers hand-to-hand combat training. Darth Vader and Darth Maul appear and engaged each kid in hand-to-hand combat.

Funny was how deadly serious each kid was and how awesome it must have been for each of them. They were screaming the Jedi Oath, which went something like “I will only use my light saber in defense, never for aggression… protect the galaxy… etc.. or back into the crowd I must go…” They told one little boy to use the force and push the white-suited Imperial Storm Troopers away with a Push of his hand into the air. The kid made a dramatic gesture pushing the air with his open hand and the storm troopers fell back about 10 feet. Hilarious.

hover reflection

2012-01-02T23:46:00.000-06:00

We hovered across the English Channel.

I started trying to remember how I decided on this post subject. But you know what, who cares? Maybe if I did the twitter thing I could send out my stream of thoughts as the day dragged on.

I would like to know if you did something or been somewhere that doesn't exist anymore. I'm not talking about time travel (well maybe a mind trip if that counts). What I mean is the experience of knowing something/somewhere in your past doesn't exist anymore. Been there done that - but can't go or do it again type of thing.

We can't recreate the past. But sometimes we try really hard to drag it into the future.

To be more specific, here's my example:

Our family had the opportunity to travel across the English channel (last I checked it's still there) years ago (1989). While planning our trip, I quickly decided the best way to go was book a hovercraft ferry. We traveled between Dover England and Calais France. This was before the Chunnel.

The above picture is the craft coming to France to take us back.

The hovercraft is not an option anymore. It stopped operation. Today I would certainly try the Chunnel experience given the chance.

The hovercraft was fast and a blast. I'm sure it depends on the weather but I recall getting off feeling like I took a ride at an amusement park. Just enough bounce to enjoy the movement. It had aircraft type seats that were comfortable and it could carry our car. It had more room to move around than a plane.

Airlines can be quick but they will never carry your car for you. Today, you are lucky to get them to include a second bag with the fare.

Here's a picture of the Cliffs of Dover taken from the hovercraft.

We spent a little time around Dover and visited a castle. The cliffs are made of a white chalk type rock that you can grab and use to write on the sidewalk. I'm sure all that is still there.

So there's my example, I can't go back with anyone and do another English Channel crossing on a hovercraft. I'm not sure why the service was discontinued. I assume it was not cost effective.

So I have mixed feeling about this memory. On one hand, I feel part of an elite group that tried a unusual mode of transport. Then, I'm sad that I can't take another trip on it with someone.

Note - I first wrote about this back 2009 and decided to brush the dusts off the bytes and update it a little.

Do you have an example like this? Please share.

another circus

cookie cramps

2012-01-01T23:04:00.000-06:00

Career counselors never counseled me on office parties. Office parties are a distant memory for me now. They were good and some were even fun.

The festive events have changed but were always varied by company and the business conditions at the time.

Free booze, entertainment, dinner gave me reason to go but to my surprise not all co-workers would attend. Of course, some variables such as location, time, guest allowed, and entertainment provided could weigh on your decision to attend. I think the ones including spouses are the best ones.

I recall one were my wife won a limbo contest. That was a fun night.

Another party I attended was took place in Ireland (my wife was not on the trip) and the party took place at a local restaurant. One the young “lads” was not too experienced yet at holding his booze because at one point he fell across the table and most of his evening consumption came out. Luckily the vomit missed me. He was too drunk to be embarrassed but I must believe the next day was not a good one for him.

Probably the worst for me over the years was a badly placed joke I suspect. I don’t remember a specific event but I’m sure I’ve misspoke at some point somewhere.

Since the holiday office party season is over, do you have any office party stories to share?

keep it alive

2011-12-31T14:32:00.000-06:00

As I write this the new year celebrations are going off in far away parts of the world. The night skies light as revelers get spun from 2011 to 2012. Happy New Year.

I don’t think life would work if the earth didn’t spin. Moving changing pushing into the future as our minds grab for pieces of the past. Oh the best pieces are the sweetest.

New Year’s eve was never a big thing for me. The assigning of the next number in the date just seems like counting. My logical mind was puzzled when I learned my wife enjoyed seeing the odometer flip from 9’s to 0’s. Yeah it’s nice the car has lasted this long and we are moving but really what’s the big deal?

Of course, a good party is a good party. But a good party can be had anytime of the year and a warm summer evening beats the blast of cold you often get on Dec. 31.

I don’t join in on the resolution thing. Proclaiming of a New Year’s resolution probably is a conspiracy started by the weight loss industry which includes the fitness clubs. Besides, long ago I made a resolution never to make resolutions.

But I do hope you fellow bloggers (I certainly plan to), keep alive your blogging next year. As long as we are spinning through space lets keep sharing our blogs.

CHEERS

No Friday Fragments from Samoa

2011-12-29T18:05:00.001-06:00

Mrs. 4444 collects fragments for Friday consumption but it is good thing she does NOT live in Samoa. My first fragment explains why I know this.

If I could turn back time - I’d look a lot younger.

Did you hear about the island nation of Samoa time zone decision? They changed their minds about which time zone to live in. They are not turning it back but pushing it forward by a whole day. They will skip Friday this week. They will go from Thursday right into Saturday. If they would have consulted me I would have strongly suggested skipping Monday.

One interesting outcomes besides not having Friday Fragments is the fact no one will be born or die on Dec. 30, 2011 there because the day never existed. I hope this day change does mess-up their Girl Scout cookie exports.

Quick pop quiz - what group burned down the house, asked to be taken to the river, but ended up on the road to nowhere?

what is that growing OUT OF MY EAR?

LISLE - Recently while shaving Lisleman discovered a hair more than an inch long growing from the edge of his ear. He quickly yanked it out and he is reported to be doing fine. However he blew his chances in next year's hairy ears contest at the Moose Lodge.

I can’t seem to wrap my noodle around the following which I am sure you have come across too. Why do younger (below 40) people rush around in a bigger hurry than older (over 60) people?

Certainly the younger ones have more time in their future than the older ones so logically it is the older ones that should be in a rush. Don’t the older ones want to get it all in before the plug is pulled? But since we are a very automobile society maybe it’s better to not have the older ones speeding around in their Buicks. I’m thinking of moving to Samoa.

Moving to Samoa got me thinking of becoming an immigrant. Did any of the Vikings from Minnesota (land of ice and snow) ever invade a warmer place? Nevermind - watch this.

playing til the cows come home

2011-12-28T17:44:00.000-06:00

I just stumbled on to this clip and thought it was so funny I needed to share it.

Now if they could just get them to line dance. It would be perfect.

This has happened before (finding a clip not playing to cows) and I typically just post it up on my other lesser known blog, "another circus".

another circus

a box of rocks

2011-12-27T15:07:00.002-06:00

trust me these would not fit in that box

Hey Bill what did you get for Christmas?

A box of rocks.It’s a box with rocks glued on inside.

Actually both my older brother and I both got a box of rocks each. I guess no two rocks are exactly the same so we had unique rocks.

Now they were fancy rocks and labeled. It would sound better if I called it a box of minerals I guess. Our uncle taught geology and perhaps wanted to inspire us to consider his studies.Now that I’m an adult and know companies often offer freebies to influence a professor, I think there is a very good chance he got them for free. I’ll never know the boxes and rocks are long gone.

I’m a little surprised we didn’t throw them at each other.

Mom he hit me with a piece of granite!

No it was light piece of sandstone, cry-baby.

Did you get anything cool this year?

another circus

blog like a man

2011-12-25T17:16:00.000-06:00

oooo eeee oooo

he said

blog like a man

talk like a man

blog like a man my son

no follower worth

crawling on the earth

so blog like a man my son

Since the “Jersey Boys” musical was big hit I assume most of you kids know this song. I actually like the Frankie Valli version better. (here’s a link if you need to refresh your memory)

Maybe you have noticed I love song parodies. Lucky for you I can’t sing. Parodies are a great mix of comedy and music. Here’s a recent find. Tim Hawkins is funny and can play the guitar.

I took a walk on the wild side today - I wore my socks inside out.

Next time I’ll write about how I blog the line.Yes I’ll admit that I’m a fool for you.Because you are mine, I blog the line.

i could mug somebody

2011-12-23T13:47:00.000-06:00

and do better than my wrapping presents.

Enjoy - have a laugh for Christmas

egg roll over here

2011-12-21T13:15:00.000-06:00

Got some soy sauce?

I’ve got a quick story.

In keeping with the tradition of Santa coercion to extract good child behavior we kept the legend alive for our kids. Is a legend a lie? Do you think magic tricks are unjust?

Santa’s story with sleigh, flying reindeer, slave elves and bags of goodies is an ongoing magic trick.

One snowy Christmas eve (honestly I believe it was snowing but I do know it reads better) - as I was saying;

Then one snowy Christmas eve, our sweet daughter came to say:

“Daddy with your eyes so bright, I’m staying up to see Santa tonight.”

“Oh no dear Virginia you must go to sleep because Santa only comes when kids are sleeping,” I recited from my Santa legend training.

She was the youngest after all and we expected at least another year of Santa coercion.

“Well then I will sleep by the tree with the dog.”

While proud of her display of logical problem solving skills I was fearful the legend might be unraveling too soon. As she proceeded to get the dog’s leash and her sleeping bag, I prepared the cookies and milk gambit. This time we would add a short note to Santa who would provide the convincing thank-you reply.

Her note to him explained how the dog would let her know he arrived. Don’t worry Santa, he won’t bite you. She just wanted Santa to prove himself. It was a stake out, a test of will power, a test of faith.

Santa showdown time

When all is said and done, her Christmas excitement, us weary parents, the confused dog and a strong desire to seek the truth overpowered me. I threw in the Santa towel. The familar Santa handwriting in past thank-you notes, the common gift wrap, lack of chimney (one of the dumbest parts of the legend), all came together and her logic left her coming up short on Santa.

I confessed.

She cried.

Oh did she cry. You would have thought she had discovered I was Hitler or maybe Rod Blagojevich. Now she couldn’t sleep. She had become too emotionally upset.

She demanded we tell her how we could lie about Santa in between sobs. She was less upset when her hamster had ~~died~~ been murdered (that’s a story for another time).

The legend of Santa will live on as long as children misbehave and corporations seek free advertising endorsements. Deal with it kids.

Note - I decided to share this post a little more so I submitted it to Amanda's Weekend Bloggy Reading party - check it out for more good blog reading.

I hear robots

2011-12-20T23:00:00.000-06:00

I like robots
BUT
they should not be allowed to use the phone to call people. It’s bad enough to have one answer the phone when you have a service issue to resolve but I don’t like them calling me at all. It's down right disrespectful to homo sapiens.

This is the wishin season not the bitchin season (that’s mid-April for most Americans) so I’m going to zip my rant. But just one more little point. The Medco wacko robot was calling my wife so I couldn't even take care of it.

another circus

short Christmas short

2011-12-20T11:41:00.000-06:00

Don’t 99% of the clips on youtube qualify as shorts?

I’m not sending you a Christmas card this year but here’s wishing you the best.

frequent followers disregard

2011-12-18T20:40:00.001-06:00

NOTE: If you follow A Few Clowns Short, then you are the greatest and I thank you. This post is some yearend review substitute for an actual thoughtful post therefore much of the material has been previously disseminated. In other words, regurgitation folks. Feel free to skip it.

Lighten-up, Enjoy the Holidays, but don’t get lit-up like a Christmas tree, you’re embarrassing!

There were 52 Fridays in 2011. Ok technically, I should write “will be” because the year is not over as I write this but let us not get too pedantic. On most of those Fridays I took a shower. No scratch that, you don’t care about my hygiene. More importantly on most of those Fridays I submitted a Friday Fragment post.

Here’s a few of those past fragments that haunt my memory. I’m sorry (well I’m not but that sounds good right?) I’m not haunted just delusional at times.

Enough all ready. I can’t rationalize this list of past fragments. They are damn fragments after all. Read them if you like. I enjoyed creating them once.

Previously recorded fragments

Mrs. 4444, who probably gasps “what have I created” when she reads my FF post, is distributing links to FF posts far and wide.

people those are chips not fragments however, I've never met Mrs. 4444

Even with their beauty and song, birds bring some crap with them. I was just cleaning some off my mailbox this morning.